Sunday, June 26, 2011

A Few Random Notes To Self

**On June 23rd I celebrated my 36th birthday. Three dozen years of learning and experiencing everything I can (Just in case I don't get another 3 dozen ) My life is anywhere from 40-99.9% over. It's time to write a few reminders and requests to myself. It's getting harder to remember things without writing them down :) ***

Dear Five O'clock Shadow,
 I'm not sure when you decided to add a few silver (gray) streaks to your hair,but I don't like the new look. You are forcing me to shave more often then I prefer. You have never fully grown to your completion so growing a beard has never been an option for me. My love/hate relationship with you has taken a new twist. How am I supposed to pull off looking 28 with this silver sprouting out everywhere. Mr. Gillette will be pulling overtime in the future.

Dear Ears and Nose,
 Since when did you decide to start growing hair? You have been so easy to get along with in the past and now all the sudden I got whiskers sprouting from you. Are you mad at me for piercing (ears) you three times in the last three years? I know that hurt for a few minutes but I hardly call a lifetime of trimming a reason for punishment. You are causing me extra time spent in front of my mirror. You are in a no win situation and I thought I should know that. Good luck.
Yours truly,

Dear Receding Hair Line,
 At first I thought my forehead was getting bigger.Then I started to spot my scalp through my thinning hairline . What gives? I know what you're thinking: "Be lucky I've stuck around this long. Many men your age are bald by now!" OK, so you have a good point here. I would just like to plead to you to curb your retreat. Any thing you can do to help would be greatly appreciated.

Dear Wrinkles,
 You are becoming public enemy #1. My previous letters addressing my body hair maintenance is an absolute piece of cake compared to how you are making your mark(s) on my body. As I understand it, an aging body fails to fully replicate its DNA. And albeit a very slow process I understand this is why we wrinkle,grey,bald,and sag as we gradually get older. Well, I have no idea where to go out and buy new DNA,but I can promise you this: I am staying out of the sun as much as possible (thank you night shift) and I visit the Clinique counter every chance I get. You may win the war....but this battle is mine! I'm quite sure in 10-15 years I will be introducing you to my friend Dr Botox....until then....
Your enemy,

Dear Penis,
 You,of course, are my favorite. It goes without saying. I can't say enough good things about our relationship. You have always been there for me. You get along very well with others,and you have never let me down. You are by far the healthiest part of me. You workout with me on a regular basis (sometimes even while I sleep). You do seem to have a mind of your own and have made a few bad decisions in your lifetime but, overall we get along.
 Now rumor has it you will shrink with age and sometimes stop performing all together. Please don't. So far I haven't noticed any demise in your stance and your performance level is great. I am very thankful for you. Some people are born without one,so I realize how lucky I am. Your shrinkage is on demonstration anytime I leave a swimming pool or a shower on a cold winter's night. If this is a preview I shudder to think what you will look like over time. Oh my! If you shrink be subtle about it please. Thanks in advance. See you very soon.
With love,

 I have very little to complain about in my three dozen years. I'm in good health,great shape,and I seldom over indulge in anything. I would say natural and sexual selection has favored me very well in my life. I'm a very lucky guy :) Just thought I poke fun at myself....

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